My Lifejacket is named "Cipralex"

I haven't written anything is soooo long! This blog is about depression and lifejackets. I saw my counsellor today and she said that taking medication was like wearing a lifejacket. Even if you know how to swim (cope), a lifejacket can sometimes be necessary and very useful. All of a sudden, it just made so much sense to me! It's not that I'm weak or incapable - it's that I have a very far distance to swim and the waves get quite choppy at times; so without my lifejacket, I'm in very real danger of drowning, but with it, I can keep on swimming!

I don't know if this analogy will help anyone else - but it sure helped me!

Hurting?

Are you hurting? Lonely? Desperate? You want, you need something to change but you don't know what or you don't know how?

God knows your situation. He knows everything about you and your life. He sees. He cares. He really wants you to know that: that He cares.

See, the thing is, when God created you (and He did, you know); when He thought you up - He did something quite remarkable. God cut a hole in Himself, a "you-shaped" hole. God purposefully made Himself incomplete without you. He longs for you. He wants to be known by you. He wants a relationship with you. And not just any relationship, but a very intimate, very personal, very real relationship.

Nicky Gumble (author and creator of "Alpha") describes an ache in every human heart, an emptiness that can only be filled with God. It's a kind of hunger we all experience, and if you don't know God, you try to satisfy this hunger, this emptiness, with all kinds of other things. But sex, drugs, power, money, prestige, etc. cannot fill this "God-shaped hole" in our lives.

So you see, whether you know it or not, you long for God, too!

God sees your pain. He knows the mess you're in. He loves you and cares for you and wants to turn your life around.

C'mon! This is so simple! There is a commercial on TV for Everest or Medix or some other retraining school and the guy says, "You talk on the phone all day anyway, make that call. It's not complicated." I think he also says something about where is your life going to be in one year, two years, five years? So do something today to change that. God is holding out the key to change your future. All you have to do is make that call!

(If you read this blog and something inside you said, "this message is for me" and you want to talk privately, you can email me at cheriebakerellis@rogers.com and I will keep it in strictest confidence.)

Hunger

It seems everyone I meet is hungry, in a spiritual sense, regardless of whether they are Christians or not. The Christians are hungry for more of God, for a real sense of His presence, for something beyond playing church on Sundays and trying to "be good" the rest of the week. And the non-believers are also hungry for God, they just don't know it; so they try to satisfy this craving with whatever the world has to offer. And the world has much to offer. Check out the TV Guide and you will find show after show with witches, mediums, spiritualists, demons, ghosts, and much much more. Some of these shows are out-right evil and perverse, but the majority appear wholesome, if I can use that word. The point is, they draw people in. The shows wouldn't exist if the desire for them didn't exist.

Let's talk about real food for a moment. A baby has an unbiased palate. Everyone knows you need to introduce vegetables before fruits or else the baby will not like the vegetables because they are not as sweet. In other words, if you give the baby sweet foods, he will crave sweet foods. This is true for all of us. We desire the foods we feed ourselves. If you say you don't like water, but you know it's good for you, so you decide to drink it anyway - you will eventually come to like water. The more you feed yourself junk food, the more you will crave it. But learning to like wholesome foods takes time.

Okay, back to the spiritual. Philippians 2:16 says we hold out the word of life. What is the word of life? Jesus - the Bread of Life. So, according to the Bible - we hold out Jesus to a crooked and depraved world, offering them Life. This is good food. This is the best food. Fragrant; irresistable! Imagine walking into a bakery. What's the first thing that you notice? The smell. If you're hungry, you might even start to drool. You can't wait to get in there and pick up a freshly baked bun or a still-warm loaf of bread, slather it with butter, and pop it into your mouth. Mmmm - heaven!

Yes! And "yes" again! That's the way it should be.

But sadly, that is not the way it is. So many unbelievers pass us by, and what do we hold out to them? The word of life, like the Bible says? No - we hold out nothing. We don't have any bread for ourselves, so we have nothing to offer them. Or maybe we hold out our church programs, our traditions, or our religious mumbo-jumbo. It's not the Bread of Life, but hey, it's still good food. Right? (Maybe, but maybe that's why so many walk away from churches and from Christians saying they "tried it" but "didn't like it" - weren't satisfied). Our programs are like brussel sprouts and spinach. They may be good for us, but they don't taste good until you develop a taste for them. But everyone like bread. So let's serve up Jesus.

But how can we do that if we don't have any Bread for ourselves? Maybe it's time to stop feeding ourselves spiritual junk food. Maybe it's time to develop a hunger for God alone. Such a hunger that only God His-very-own-Self will do. Nothing else will satisfy. Jesus promised that this hunger would be satisfied. Am I making myself clear here? Whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - think about such things. (Philippians 4:8) Jesus is pure. Jesus is lovely. Jesus is admirable. Think on Him. Develop a hunger for Him. Then He will give you the Bread of Life to eat and you will have enough (and more than enough) to hold out for others.

Philippians 2:14-16 - Do everything without complaining

or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure,

children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved

generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe

as you hold out the word of life.

The Best Dream Ever!

I was on a boat – a large sailboat – and I was fishing. The water was so clear that I could see down into it for a long way. I caught a fish, but a larger fish caught my fish, and I was watching them both under the water. There was something odd about the larger fish. As I slowly reeled in the line, I finally realized that the larger fish wasn't a fish at all, it was a turtle. I thought at first it was a snapping turtle and I was afraid, but as I pulled it in closer, I saw that it was a sea turtle, with a gentle mouth, and it (she) was beautiful. She let go of the fish and I dangled the lure in front of her again, hoping to entice her to catch hold of my line. I really wanted this beautiful creature to stay up near the surface just long enough for me to take a picture of it. I didn't want to harm her, just get her to stay long enough for me to reach my camera. I fumbled one-handed to open the case and push the power button. Of course, by the time the camera was ready, the turtle had gone under the boat. I walked through the boat, hoping to spot her on the other side. But I came across the dive pool and there she was, swimming gracefully in this clear calm pool. Oh, she was gorgeous!

The dream shifted slightly and she was caught inside of a submerged car. I had to help her. (I don't know if I was underneath the water or not. If I was, I had no trouble breathing). I reached inside the car and gently wiggled her to free her from whatever the obstruction was. Her shell came off and I lifted it out and placed it carefully on the ledge beside me. Then I reached for the body of the turtle; but now, she wasn't just a turtle – she was a turtle-girl. Now I really saw her face. Looked into her eyes. She was alive and sentient and oh, so beautiful. I had to be careful. Her body wasn't meant to be touched – hence the shell. She was able to get free of the car on her own and she swam up to the ledge and asked for her shell back. I held it in the water while she wriggled into it. Then she let me take her picture and swam away. I was awed; I felt so privileged to be able to not only see her, but help her and even share a moment with her. I wish my words could convey the emotion. I've felt fear before in dreams, and pain; I've given birth, been lost, been in run-away cars – but this is the first dream I can recall ever with such positive emotion and depth of feeling. The beauty; the serenity; the feeling of utter peace and completeness. Wow.

New shift in the dream. I go back on deck. I want to fish some more, because that was such a positive experience. But now the deck is covered in flies. Big black ones. They aren't too scary, though, because their wings are fragile and they look like if they tried to fly, the wind would carry them away. So I walk through them (where they are covering the deck) and go to the side of the boat, where there are 2 steps down to the water's edge (long steps, like bleachers – they run the length of the boat). That's when I notice the flies have landed on me! There are 6 or 8 on my right arm and a couple on my left and a bunch all over my legs. I'm disgusted and a little freaked. I brush them off as quick as I can. I've been bitten a couple of times – 2 or 3 bites on my right arm and 2 or 3 on my right leg. The bites don't hurt, but still, I don't want to fish here anymore. I want to go back to the dive pool where it was calm and peaceful.

Another shift. The boat has been apprehended by pirates. Modern-day pirates. We have been told to gather together in the hold. I'm walking there slowly; but as I'm walking, I'm looking out to sea. The pirate ship is tethered to a large rock that sticks up out of the sea and it is circling this pinnacle. Our ship is tethered to the pirate ship but we aren't moving. The view is static. I look to my left and I know that one of us has escaped. It is the blonde woman I've dreamed of before. She must be in another boat of some kind, but I don't remember seeing one. I just know she's managed to get away before the pirates came on board, and she is going for help. I have the utmost confidence in this woman and the presence of the pirates does not trouble me in the slightest. I know that everything will be fine.
When I wake up, I don't remember this dream at first. I have other things on my mind. But as soon as I ask, “Didn't I dream last night?” - I start to remember. And the more I recalled the dream, the better I felt. I feel awesome right now. Energized and happy. This was the best of the best dreams ever! And the ending doesn't trouble me in the slightest. My focus is not on the flies or the pirates, but on that timeless moment in the pool with the turtle-girl.

It's Only a Test

This is a test. This is only a test. If this had been a real examination, you would not be reading this, but instead, would be standing before the King of Kings, awaiting judgment. So before you hear His verdict, take the test for yourself:

Instructions:
1) be completely honest
2) only "true" or "false" answers are allowed. "Sometimes" or even "often" is not good enough.
3) read the following sentences, then answer if the statement is true or false.

The Test:
1) I am patient.
2) I am kind.
3) I am not envious.
4) I do not boast about my own achievements.
5) I am not proud.
6) I am not rude.
7) I do not seek my own welfare before that of others.
8) I do not get angry easily.
9) I do not keep a mental record of all the wrongs others have done to me.
10) I do not enjoy things that are evil; I do not read, watch, or dabble in things that God calls evil.
11) I rejoice (take delight) with the truth.

I will tell you my score: 1/11 (I really like the truth).

There is a song running through my head: "Christ in me, Christ in me, Christ in me, the hope of glory!"

The bad news is that none of us pass this test on our own.
The good news is that "Christ in me" aces this test!
The challenging bit is to constantly seek more and more "Christ in me"!

And, by the way, I did not make up this test. God did. You can find the original in 1Corinthians 13:4-6.

Exhaustion & Refreshing

I heard a very good message last night on the life and ministry of Elijah. For those who don't know, Elijah was a prophet of God; which is kind of like saying that the Beatles were a musical group. Elijah was BIG! A headline act. And God really liked Elijah. Elijah was one of His special favourites.

One of Elijah's most famous acts was when he challenged the prophets of Baal to a duel. He said, "Let's see whose God is real and whose god is not!" They accepted the challenge and it went something like this. Each built an altar (think elaborate camp fire, stacking the wood just so) and then stood back and prayed, asking their god to light the fire. Only when it was Elijah's turn, he dumped buckets and buckets and buckets of water on the altar. (Think swimming pool).

God (the One and Only real God) sent fire down from heaven and burned up not only Elijah's altar, but the one to Baal too. And then all the false prophets were killed.

What a high! Elijah was no stranger to the power and might of God, but this

was pretty incredible. Elijah was experiencing in a very personal way what

the Scriptures mean when they say "Nothing is impossible with God". So, he takes off running, and out-runs a chariot. I don't know how fast chariots go, but I do know how fast horses are, and there is no way anyone could be faster than a horse. Yet Elijah ran a long way and arrived before the horses pulling the chariot. Wow! Elijah must have been higher than a kite! "God, You are amazing!" "God, You are incredible!"

And then Jezebel comes along and pops his balloon. "I'm going to kill you, Elijah," she says, and this is no idle threat. She has the resources to follow through. Suddenly, Elijah is in mortal danger and there is nothing left. He's burned up all his spiritual energy. The gas tank is sucking fumes. What horrible timing! If he had been given just one day to rest, I'm sure he would have laughed at Jezebel. But she got to him when he was at the utter end of his strength. So Elijah did the only thing he could: he ran for his life.

Poor Elijah was exhausted and spent. He says, "Kill me now, God - I've had enough." But God does not kill him; He restores him. God sends food and drink to Elijah, enough to sustain him through a forty day journey to the mountain of the Lord. And in this mountain, God comes to Elijah and speaks to him. God gives Elijah new hope and a new commission. God says, "I am not done with you yet, Elijah. Greater things are still to be done."

Are you exhausted? Worn out? Burnt out?

God will send supernatural food and drink to you, to sustain you and refresh you.

Rest in Him. Stop running and simply receive.

Algonquin Take 2

My daughter and I just returned from a 5 day trip. We started at Magnetawan and canoed for about 5 minutes to the portage. This really short portage took us to Hambone Lake where we had a slightly longer paddle to get to the tail end of Hambone (called just "the Pond" on the portage sign). The sign also says to try the creek (instead of doing the 55 metre portage to get to Daisy Lake), but at this time of year, the water levels are so low that we'd be doing more pushing than paddling, so we unloaded everything and walked down the incredibly short portage and loaded back up (loading and unloading took longer than the walk).
And now for the embarrassing bit: I tipped the canoe (with me in it) and got completely baptized in Daisy Lake. In my defense, I'm used to loading up the canoe at a beach, not a dock - and there is a dock on Daisy Lake. The water is about 3 feet deep, but there's no real bottom - it's decaying tree sediment, several feet deep of this sludge. So I threw the blue (thankfully waterproof) canoe-pack into the canoe and it didn't lay right, so I stepped in and gave it a yank; and that's when everything shifted and the next thing I knew, I was in the water, under the canoe! Getting out was very difficult as there was no real bottom for me to stand on. I sort of flailed my way back to the dock and heaved myself out. Then Laura and I dragged the canoe out of the water and drained it. Reloading went much better, and I was careful not to step into it until we were ready to leave. I was anxious to find a campsite on Daisy after this little adventure, but we still took the time to check out a few. We ended up on the middle site. It was a pretty good site, with a great sunbathing rock, but it was very short on flat ground. The first spot we tried had quite a severe slope, so we moved over to the one remaining piece of level ground and set the tent up there (much better - still a slope, but not nearly as noticable). After setting up the tent, the first thing I did was have a bath in the lake (no tree sediment here!) and washed all my clothes.
We had great weather while we were on Daisy. It was shortly after 11am when we arrived on Monday, so we had 2 full days here plus Wednesday morning. Our first night, we slept with the fly off the tent and fell asleep with our eyes full of starry visions. The second night, we went out in the canoe and gazed into the heavens for what seemed like hours.
I've tried so many times to describe how I feel when I get to see the stars (the entire Milky Way) laid out above me. Words don't often fail me, but in this case they do. All I can say is that there is a reason we have the word "indescribable" in our vocabulary.
So we lay there, under the never-ending expanse of the night sky and contemplated the love of God and His awesomeness, and then we headed in and went to sleep.

Wednesday was moving day. Because I booked this trip at the last minute, we weren't able to stay on one lake for the entire 5 days; but we lucked out in that we could get Hambone for the next 2 nights and we had to go there anyway to get back to the car, so it didn't seem like too much of a bother to move. We had a leisurely breakfast at 8:30 and were loaded up and ready to roll by 10:30.
I'm not sure what time it was when we reached our new campsite on Hambone Lake. We got here without incident. Hambone was quite windy and the waves were peaking, so I didn't explore too much. The first site was occupied, but the second one was free and after I gave it a quick glance, we decided it would do and started to set up. It was a very large site, with at least 3 good sized flat areas for tents. Someone had fashioned a "table" out of lashed together logs, and there were logs for seats around the fire. All in all, it was a very "commercial" site for Algonquin.
The clouds started rolling in right after supper, and the rain began right on schedule just as we were heading to bed.
Thursday was an interesting day. We managed to cook and eat breakfast (yummy pancakes) before the rain started up again. I rigged the tarp up and we ate under it. Then we washed our dishes and tidied up. The rain stopped again at some point and we went exploring in the canoe. Both the other sites were unoccupied now, so we checked them out. One has a huge hollow log section (big enough for me to crawl through) that they use to keep firewood dry.
When we got back, we went swimming. The sun almost came out, but then it started raining again. We went in the tent to warm up. I finished both my book and Laura's (now she's reading mine). The sun came out again and the tent quickly became stifling hot so we went for another swim and I pretended to fish for a while.
And that's how our whole day went - rain, then sun. We were able to cook and eat in the dry spells and we even had a lovely big fire.
Friday was going home day. We're ready. We miss our beds, we miss baths with real soap. I miss refrigerators and cold bottled water.

It was a great trip. Lots of good memories. Mother-daughter bonding and stretching. Can't wait 'till next year!